Heard Around Town

I heard two women talking at Costco a couple of months ago:

One to the other: "My son's at camp and my daughter's a bitch....she's 15...."

Heard at the grocery store the other day:

"I bought these jeans two years ago. They're the only thing I've ever bought that was on sale."

Huh?

Dad update

Less than four weeks ago, my dad had surgery to repair an aortic aneurysm. Recovery from such a major surgery will take a while, but he feels better than he did a week ago and way better than he did two weeks ago. We went for a short walk today and within a three-minute time span this was what he said: "I think I'll go to the pancake house and have a Dutch Baby for lunch." "Maybe I'll go to the library". "I'm going to play bridge this weekend." "Next week I'm going to drive my car." Whoa, Dad, slow down!!! I think it's safe to say he's feeling better.

Sweating Soccer Mom

So today I really fell off the deep end. Boy #2 had a soccer game and I had to help Mr. Minivan with some work stuff. I asked the mom of one of his teammates (who is also one of his classmates) if she could give him a ride home. This other mom, who is a lovely lady, by the way, said it was no problem. The game was scheduled from 3 to 4 and is no more than 10 minutes away from our house. I did my work and sent a few emails and then glanced at my watch. 4:32!! I started to wonder where he was. I realized I did not have this mom's cell phone number and called her home number, hoping she would not answer, hoping that maybe her outgoing message would contain her cell number, or that a helpful husband or child would answer and give me the number. No answer. Then I remembered that a friend of mine worked with her and might have her number.

I called my friend and she did have the number. I then proceeded to leave two slightly panicked messages on the cell phone, which, of course, went straight to voice mail! "Hi, I was just calling to see where you are. It's after 4:30 and I'm getting a little worried." By this time my imagination had gone into overdrive and I pictured myself arriving at the soccer field and finding....no one. I grabbed my car keys and left Boy #1 at home with the portable phone in his hand, instructing him to call me immediately when (if?) Boy #2 arrived. I ran out the door and started to drive to the soccer field. Time now is 4:45. I am crazed. I drive up the highway, looking at both the road ahead of me and the cars traveling the opposite direction on the other side. I think I see her car, but I'm not sure. Could be an illusion. I call home and tell Boy #1 to go downstairs and open the garage door and stand in the garage with the phone. "He's home, Mom. I just heard the garage door open," he says. I breathe a sigh of relief and head for home. The demons and dangers lurking in my imagination, in every mom's imagination, have receded. I pull into the garage, go into the kitchen, and see a flushed and tired Boy #2 drinking a Frostee. "How was the game?" I asked. "Why were you so late?" "The game ran a little late and we stopped at Wendy's," he answered, happily slurping.

I called the other mother and told her to disregard the messages on her cell. "I just got myself a little worked up," I told her, "I should have gotten your cell phone number." I could tell she was a little offended. We had been in parallel Mom Universes--me trying to make sure my boy was safe, and she getting the soccer players an icy treat. We were both being good moms, each caught up in our own moment in time.

I know one thing, though, in the future I'll get a cell phone number and make sure the phone is ON.

They're Dropping Like Flies

First Renee and Kenny, now Tori and Charlie. How can the rest of us hope to make marriage work? And you know these things always come in threes. Who's next, Julia and Danny? Ben and Jen? Or, dare I say it? Britney and Kevin? Pretend you didn't hear that last one. That would be unthinkable.

Renee and Kenny have only been married four months. That's barely enough time to have changed their vacuum cleaner bag, much less their minds. And it's not like they have the stresses we mere mortals have, like making the mortgage payment on time, keeping up with the laundry, and finding time to stop at the grocery store after work. They have people to do all that. I guess it just shows that, even if you have no money issues, marriage is tough. You'd think Renee and Kenny would give it a bit more than four months, but what do we know? Here's what came to my mind when I first heard the news........ Do you think they will return the wedding presents they received?

UPDATE: There may be hope yet. Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards might be getting back together.

UPDATE #2: OMG!!! I can't believe I forgot the Mother of all Breakups--Brad and Jen. I guess it was too painful for me to think about all over again. I'm in such denial...

PTA Overload

I'm exhausted. The bags under my eyes have their own bags. Yesterday was a two-PTA-meeting day, and let me tell you, it's like running a marathon without those little packets of goo. The first PTA meeting of the year is usually the one with the best attendance. The moms new to the school want to see what it's all about, others want to see what's going on, some want to get involved, and of course, at every school there is the core group of Moms Who Do All The Work. The first one was actually not so bad. It was at Boy #1's middle school. I went for the first three reasons. It's too soon to know if I'll fall into the last category. There were about 30 people there, including the principal and the assistant principal, both new to their positions. They are so young I had to restrain myself from asking them if they babysat. The budget for the year was discussed THOROUGHLY and approved. Upcoming activities and programs were also discussed. I like the feeling of knowing what is going on at school and being involved. I also like passing notes back and forth with the friend sitting next to me. It really felt like I belonged in middle school.

Then last night, the PTA meeting at Boy #2"s elementary school. Let me describe it to you this way. A hot and humid night. A sweltering cafeteria. Several families decided it would be a good idea to bring their babies and preschoolers, so there were about 6 LOUD children running around providing singing, dancing, and whining distraction. But wait, there's more. Several horrified kindergarten moms, thinking all the meetings are like this one. I assured them that they are not. Oh, yeah, several of the women doing most of the talking are low-talkers, so between that and the dancing children, who knows what any of us agreed to. It was sort of like a Seinfeld episode. We were only missing the puffy shirt.

Reason #4 Why I Will Never Have a Dog

Imagine the horror. Imagine my shock. Imagine for yourself. Did you know that a "girl" dog has to get her "period" before she can be spayed? Did you know that they sell little doggy panties for that "special" time of the little girl doggy's life? Little. Doggy. Panties. Yep, that's what my friend told me the other day. She just confirmed it on the phone. Have I entered the Twilight Zone? It sort of feels like it.

I'm Also More Than My Laundry...

We are either very clean or very dirty, I'm not sure which. All I know is I am surrounded by laundry. Dirty laundry, clean laundry, it is unbelievable. It is everywhere. And somehow laundry must be related to dishes. They both spontaneously generate. You know how, when you've loaded your dishwasher and are listening to that comforting hum, you glance toward your sink and cannot believe it but you see two spoons, a knife, and a couple of glasses which must have emerged from the drain in the previous half hour? That's how it is with laundry at my house, too. Right now there is a load in the washer, a load in the dryer, 2 piles of perfectly folded clothes on my bed ready for the elves to put away, and, shockingly enough, an overflowing basket of dirty clothes ready to be washed. And, I swear, five minutes ago, that basket was empty. You know what they say about rabbits.....who knew it was the same with laundry?

Nightmare in New Orleans

This is America in 2005 yet when I watch the coverage of what is going on in New Orleans it brings back memories of the scenes in Gone With The Wind of the burning of Atlanta. Except the scenes in GWTW didn't look as bad. How is it possible that in the greatest country in the world our own citizens are dying on the streets and in the Superdome and in abandoned hospitals? The scenes remind me of an Arnold Schwartzenegger movie except where is he? And if you think it can't happen to you think again. We are all just a disaster away from seeing ourselves on CNN. Think about it. You're displaced from your homes with no water, no working toilets, no phones, no food, no clean clothes, no gas. And it's 95 degrees outside and there is water up to your waist. It's great that Congress passed yet another bill to send money but it seems that these people need buses to get out of there, clothing, food, diapers, infant formula, water, and medicine. Maybe they should send that stuff immediately and worry about how to pay for it later. It's great that President Bush has assured people that help is coming but where is it? As my brother says, it's a disgrace.

This disaster is so immense it is hard to wrap your mind around it. Here's a clue--when you hear "it's a crisis of biblical proportions" more than once, it's a big, bad crisis. People are trapped in hospitals. The hospitals are surrounded by water. People with guns are shooting at rescue helicopters. Everyone is desperate. Oh, yeah, and now there are fires burning out of control. This morning I heard about a woman who recently had a baby and she was released from the hospital but her baby was not. Now she has no idea where her newborn is. And there are thousands and thousands of stories just as bad or worse.

If you are able to read this you have an Internet connection. That alone means your day is already about a hundred thousand times better than anyone you're seeing on CNN. And that should make you realize that, no matter who cuts you off on the highway, or how long you have to wait in a long, slow post office line, or how expensive it is to fill up your gas tank, none of us reading this has any problems.

Medical Update!! Good News!

Dad was released from the hospital today! He is apparently doing well enough to be released, or possibly, insurance decided it was time to kick him out. He sounds good, has been walking a bit, and will be home on Saturday. He will now have time to watch his large collection of DVD's and figure out what kind of pizza to make for the grandkids when he feels up to cooking. We all cannot wait to see him. We love you, Dad!!!